Homura's Circle of Spirals

Sunday, May 1st

Somewhere in this world, there is a cycle. A cycle that spins around again and again, in time, possibly unto eternity.

But this is no ordinary cycle, not one of formula or of mechanics. No, not at all.

This is a cycle of choice.

The girl responsible for it, refusing to give up each time, possesses an unwavering will to save her friend. She made a deal with the devil, gained amazing powers, and created this cycle for the one purpose of saving her closest friend, whose destiny is to always die. Her mission had always been to change an unchangeable future, and even after having repeated the same month so many times now that she had lost count, she still hasn't given up yet.

She always has the option to walk away safely, and live a peaceful life far away from the city and the one girl she cared about.

She always has the chance to end this nightmare and begin anew, without any attachments to the old world.

But she will never take it.

Instead, at the end of yet another failure, she will always reach for the mechanical shield and click it, restarting her mission yet again. A cycle.

Yet even at the height of her potential, she cannot accomplish anything but failure.

And yet, there is no end.

To say that there is an 'end' would be to assume that this girl will eventually give up on her friend after so long. The human mind is flawed, but her unwavering determination to save her friend is something that will never ever change.

Because of this, it can rival even the most miniscule of possibilities. Infinity dictates that within infinity, anything can happen regardless of the chances. By this logic, even a circle with a perfectly logical circumference can spiral out of control, as nonsensical as it may sound to a human being who has never attempted to fully understand the concept of 'eternity'.

In other words, within infinity, what is seemingly an infinite circle may end up being finite.

And in that unlikely event, should the details of this circle ever change by even the slightest note, should it even dare spiral inwards instead of outwards, the future that the circle dictates may just change forever.

It won't even be a proper circle anymore, once infinity overtakes it. It will have become a circle of spirals.

And that is how the story of Akemi Homura goes.

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Wednesday, March 16th

Another failure.

Homura's eyes reluctantly opened up, only to find that there were tears in her eyes. Wiping them away, she shook her head as she pushed away her own personal feelings.

She had learned a lot this time, so she wasn't about to let this new information go to waste. With each reset, she was getting closer and closer to her goal. She had to be.

So there was no way she was going to give up now.

Getting up, she didn't even bother to move her gaze about. She'd lost track of the amount of times she had to go through this. Having woken up in this room so many times now, every detail of this room had been burnt into her mind, so much that she just wanted to forget it.

The nearby desk with a purple pen, a glass of water, and the admittance information slip on it. The bright morning sunlight, penetrating diagonally towards her through open gaps in the wide blue curtains. The opened window near at the end to the right which was open, allowing the sounds of blowing wind to come in. The rolling stand in front of her bed. The pale turquoise blue sky showcased in the window not too far behind it, with two small clouds, one them obscuring the top-left corner, and the other of which would float out of her current line of sight within the next seven minutes, with green trees visible below. The bird that would begin chirping within the next three minutes and stop within the next. The nurse who would come to meet her within ten minutes to inform her about the discharge, at which time she would already be ready to leave.

There was no need to glance at the calendar behind her, which had the '16th' all scribbled over. Once upon a time, Homura might've been excited about this day, but that was long before she had to relieve it over and over again.

Homura picked herself up from the bed, only to find her arms wobble as she did so. That was odd, but she quickly dismissed it as her own weakness. There was also a throbbing in her head, and a numb feeling in her chest. She couldn't let things like these get to her.

She'd managed to get this far, after all.

This time, I will definitely save Madoka!

With determination, she threw off the sheets and jumped down from the bed…

…only for her feet to lose their balance, and Homura hit to the floor hard on her face.

She took a moment to groan out in pain.

What's wrong with me?! Convinced that this was a result of her own mental state of mind, she scolded herself. Get up!

Gathering her strength, Homura picked herself back up. There was a pain in her chest and slight numbness around her right cheek, but she dismissed it. It was unimportant. What was important was that Madoka needed her right now. She couldn't just stand around here and do nothing. Reaching out for her Soul Gem, she suddenly realized that it wasn't there.

Calm down. I must have misplaced it somewhere. Maybe it's on me somewhere, or maybe I left it in the bed. I can't let myself worry about that right now.

Upon reassuring herself, Homura took a step forward. It was weaker than usual, but after a bit of thought, it was only natural. It looked as if the past was finally catching up to her.

Brushing it off, she forced herself to retain her balance and made her way to the bathroom.

As she looked at herself in the mirror, she appeared to be reminiscent of a certain girl from long ago, the only difference being the sharply cold look behind those purple eyes. Apart from that, it also looked tired somehow, most likely just from the stress, something she could easily overcome. She untangled her thickly-braided hair, letting her dark hair flow straight. Then she moved to take off her red-framed glasses.

But then, everything blurred.

In confusion, she put them back on again, and her sight returned back to normal. There was something really strange going on here.

But it was most likely just fatigue. Stress. What was that thing called again? Post-traumatic stress disorder? It was probably that. But she had come this far, so she couldn't let something like that hinder her now. Taking off her glasses again, she stubbornly tried to force her eyes into focusing on her surroundings as she left the room and sat back down on the hospital bed.

Any minute now, her body should return back to normal.

Breathe.

All she needed was a little relaxation, and then she'd be good as new.

Relax.

This time for sure.

This time, I'll definitely save her!

...

Nothing was happening.

As she sat, a thought crossed Homura's mind – I can't waste my time here.

Having learned from countless experience, anything could happen. One event easily led to another, and even if she did nothing, things changed. Like the timeline when that Kyousuke guy used a guitar instead of a violin for some reason, or the timeline when someone called Oriko showed up out of nowhere and royally screwed up all of her plans. She had spent so much time repeating the same formaics over and over again that it was beginning to get really distracting.

Even the tiniest factor could potentially change what she understood about this timeline and influence her decision into making a contract.

But this time, she decided, I won't let that happen.

Forcing her body to move normally even though it was feeling so weak, she went towards the open window and felt fresh air blow against her skin, though that wasn't her intention. The winds were a little heavy from up here, and glancing at the surface below, it appeared to be just two or three stories in height. This height was nothing to someone like her, who'd previously dropped from skyscrapers without any problem. Still, it was getting difficult to breathe for some reason, and her heart was beginning to beat faster as she felt something dull press against it. Maybe it was panic.

Homura was a Puella Magi, and thus, she should've been easily capable of overcoming something like this. Her body had to be reminded that it wasn't human anymore. For Madoka.

All this, for the one goal of saving Madoka. Nothing else mattered. Not this hospital, not school, not her parents, just Madoka.

"With my own power, I'll carve a future for the two of us," she swore in conviction.

That said, Homura pulled the window fully open with all her strength. The ground looked a long way away. As her heart raced, the throbbing in her chest had begun to intensify, threatening to burn through her.

She ignored it to the best of her ability, forcing her terrified body to move forward, and prepared to leap out—

"OH MY GOD!"

The sound of a nurse's shriek echoed throughout the entire hospital hallway.

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Friday, March 18th

Akemi Homura should've been discharged two days ago.

Instead, she had to spend another two days going through psychiatric treatment over what was perceived as an attempted suicide. As much as she protested against it, the hospital viewed her action as such based on the nurse's report. What had happened was that right after she shrieked, a surprised Homura lost her grip and awkwardly stumbled back onto the floor. It was only a couple of hours later after the event that she was speaking with a therapist and a report had been filed to her parents – wait, parents?

She'd almost forgotten she had such people, since they were both always so busy. But due to this, she doubted that they would ever notice about her circumstances. Having never bothered to send a message or anything to her in all this time, in every alternate timeline, why start now?

In any case, Homura had to keep on insisting that it was only a misunderstanding. While they still weren't convinced, the hospital reluctantly allowed her to leave today.

Two days late.

Everything about this situation so far had turned out to be absolutely infuriating.

So far, this timeline had turned out horribly, so she wouldn't be surprised if she arrived at Mitakihara Middle School only to find out that Madoka had already made a contract.

Then there was the core of the problem, something that would take a while to get used to.

When she first realized it, she began screaming at how horrible this timeline had turned out so far and let her frustration out on a pillow, which only served to reinforce the hospital's belief that she was suicidal. Her Soul Gem wasn't gone because she lost it. It was gone because it had just stopped existing, taking all of her powers with it. Her soul was back where it belonged. Apparently, she was human again.

Now, Homura was just a frail little girl with heart disease and mental issues.

She wasn't even sure if she could reset the timeline in this state. There was no way she could protect Madoka with a body so fragile.

Right now, all she wanted to do was let her anger out on a nearby Kyubey and pound him into a million different levels of oblivion.

But there was some hope. Maybe Kyubey didn't exist in this timeline, which explained why she didn't have her powers anymore. If that was the case, then Madoka could live an ordinary life without any witches or insane magical girls to suddenly step in and threaten her life. Even so . . . as much as she wanted to believe it, she couldn't convince herself about the fact. It was too difficult to believe that the Incubator would just disappear like that. She had to stay on her guard at all times, just in case.

How did this even happen in the first place?! She had no idea, but at this point, she couldn't let herself be stricken by this.

Even with this minor setback, she had to keep going!

Trying her best to motivate herself and make the best out of this situation, Homura spent her last hour in the hospital writing on a blank piece of paper, jotting down everything she planned on doing once she and Madoka had gotten past Walpurgis Night safe and sound. It wasn't exactly healthy to think about the future when there were so many challenges to overcome in the present especially, but as long as she could keep herself going, she was sure she could do anything.

Once she was done, she crumpled up the piece of paper before throwing it into a trashcan. If anyone ended up reading that, things would probably end up too troublesome.

Walking out of the hospital with a blank smile on her face, if such a thing was even possible, she tried to look hopeful for the future. In her right hand, she held a box of medications that contained multiple pills and syrups that she would need to take for the next . . . six months? Year? Two years? The doctors weren't sure, but at least until she could make a full recovery. There was no way she could take on Walpurgis Night this way.

"Nyan!"

A black cat?

Running past a group of bicycles, it paused to glance at her before going off by itself towards the main road with total disregard as to its surroundings. She couldn't help but have a feeling that she was forgetting something as she watched it.

Wait.

Madoka's original wish was—

There was no way. It had to be a different one. After she first reset time, it disappeared as if it had never existed in the first place, so there was no way they could be the same, right? Right? Right?! It was just a stray, and there were plenty of black cats anyway out there in the world. It wouldn't be a surprise if this was just one of those coincidences. It wouldn't be the first time she had mistaken a stray cat for Amy.

Wait, just wait.

Today is—

The day Madoka would first make a contract.

Homura was always there to stop her behind the scenes, but at the moment, she was utterly powerless. This was bad, bad, bad, seriously bad.

Frozen on the spot, the timetraveler was panicking silently, and she could feel her heart throb as if responding to her current stress.

Calm down, Homura.

She couldn't calm down.

You don't even know if Kyubey exists here.

In fact, she felt like she was hyperventilating.

You have to calm down.

Madoka was going to make a contract, die a horrible death again, and she wouldn't be able to do anything to help her poor friend, and everybody was going to DIE, and this entire city would once more get annihilated by some spinning witch, while Incubator would be sitting in a room LAUGHING ABOUT EVERYONE'S SUFFERING like the emotionless bastard he was

"CALM DOWN!"

Shouting at herself somehow did the trick.

Looking away awkwardly from the confused stares of passersby, Homura gripped her glasses tightly as she ran off into the direction of the cat. She couldn't take any chances this time. She had to save Madoka no matter what!

. . . although her determination was burning bright, she found that her feet wouldn't move as fast as she wanted them to, forcing her to jog desperately against the world and everything in it.

After a moment or two, it couldn't even be called a jog. She had quickly depleted her painfully-low stamina and now she was just sort of wobbling forward. Any onlookers would probably think she was drunk. Having gotten used to having the powers of a magical girl, being reverted back to such a state was pitiful.

By the time Homura arrived to the main road, she felt like she had run a marathon, and took her time so she could catch her breath. But as pitiful as it was, it would be hypocrital for her to want her Puella Magi powers back, so she tried to savor her newfound humanity. It was difficult.

I acted too hastily, she mentally told herself, trying to get her thoughts in order.

What I need to do first is get home, build some grenades, and buy a baseball bat. Then I'll disguise myself as a bush, lie in wait by Madoka's house, and wait until Kyubey shows up so I can demand some answers about my current circumstances, pound him into oblivion, and then convince him that he shouldn't even think about making a contract with. . .?

"Nyan!"

Homura's train of thought was disrupted by a cute little sound.

Even though she didn't have her shield, time stood still. Maybe it was because of her experience as a magical girl. Her mind took everything in.

Right in front of her was the same black cat as earlier, crossing the street at a casual pace as if it was daring the universe to throw something at it. The universe had responded in kind, and a black car to the left was driving at a fast pace, quite possibly beyond the speed limit. There was no way it would stop in time for the cat. It was going to die. Amy – if it was Amy – was going to die. As she recalled, Madoka's wish had been to revive the cat after it was hit by a car. A very noble wish, no doubt, but Homura couldn't let her contract.

Fortunately, since Madoka was nowhere in sight, maybe she could simply dispose of the body before Madoka went past this area so she wouldn't know. It shouldn't be too difficult.

But, in the next split second as her gaze moved to the right, her heart skipped a beat.

That wasn't an option anymore.

Mado—?

There wasn't any more time for thinking. If she was going to do this, she had to do this now.

Save that cat.

As ridiculous as it was, she found her found her feet rushing forward, onto the road. Her surroundings no longer registered into her mind, as right now, the only thing that was important was saving that cat.

Unfortunately, she wasn't moving fast enough. She felt a burst of wind to her left, and as it appeared, the car was already very very close. If she had to make an estimate, it was but a dozen meters away. She hadn't even managed to grab the cat yet. Right here, at this very moment, she might die.

Akemi Homura could die right here, trying to save the life of a cat, of all things.

After all that she'd been through, enduring tons and tons of Walpurgis Nights, she was about to die in a car crash of all things.

Do you want Madoka to cry over your dead body?!

There wasn't any time left to regret this decision. She just couldn't let herself die here, not when her truest friend was here watching.

And she couldn't let that cat die either. If it died, Kyubey would take advantage of its dead body to make a contract with Madoka for sure.

Plus, if she couldn't even save some stray cat, how did she expect to save Madoka?

Pushing her body beyond its limits, the raven-haired girl closed her eyes, let her senses drift off, and imagined that she was running into Madoka's arms. Her muscles were burning, but she imagined what the innocent-eyed girl's smiling face might be like, even imagining things that were almost crazy such as a wedding dress – it would without a doubt be pink, with a matching flower by her right shoulder and a long veil. Leaping forth with her arms out wide, she almost felt weightless. Well. As much as she wanted it, she wasn't this delusional. If only reality wasn't so screwed up about Madoka.

Managing to grab the cat in time, Homura felt a huge object zoom past her at incredible speeds, very nearly missing it. It might've even scraped past the sole of her right shoe.

Hitting the rough ground with a heavy thud, she was exhausted. But happy.

I—

I made it.

Despite the odds, she somehow made it out alive.

For now, anyway.

A pounding pain ate away at her heart, every nerve on Homura's body felt like they were on fire, and heavy pants escaped her mouth. Maybe she'd pushed her body a little too much. As much as she tried to breathe, she couldn't. The air tasted stale. Even though she was a human, she felt like a suffocating fish.

A faint memory of what felt like many years ago floated up to the surface, a certain March the 15th when she was warned by her doctor that she shouldn't overexert her body or else she could damage her heart. Something about inadequate blood flow to the heart combined with a dangerous build-up of cholesterol.

This was pathetic. Even after risking her life and successfully getting away with it, she was going to die anyway from something as minor as heart overexertion.

"Mado . . ."

How humiliating.

The only comfort she could take in this was the furry creature on her chest, the assurance that she had successfully saved the cat.

It then crawled out of her grasp, not that she blamed it for doing so. She probably wouldn't want to be held by a seemingly-suicidal panting maniac either, well, unless it was Madoka.

Speaking of Madoka, she couldn't help but wonder to herself what she would say in this sort of situation. If the girl ever saw her like this, she'd probably say something along the lines of—

"U- um, hey, are you alright?!"

Yes. Just like that.

That tone of worry mixed in with amounts shock and panic, the same tone that was used whether it was her closest friend or a complete stranger who'd just done something stupid in front of her. Because that girl cared for all living things. The way it sounded, it was perfect in every way. Homura couldn't help but praise her own imagination for how vividly she had managed to imagine Madoka's voice, and savored it for what it was worth.

Wait.

Although Homura felt like she was forgetting something very important, she didn't have any strength left to figure anything out. At the moment, the world was retreating before her very eyes.

"H- h- hello?!"

A shade of pink.

The warmth of two petite arms as they tried to support a frail body.

Those were the last two things that registered into her mind before she plunged into darkness.